Swore i wouldn’t write another line

So maybe this is just to kill the time

Either that or i hope it heals the mind

Yeah, hope it heals the mind

They said that time will do it

But as the years go i think my mind is ruined

Maybe I’m just assuming

Been ruminating, accumulating

Room full of doubts wonderin if i could’ve made it

Yeah i could admit it

Got high just to say that the sky’s the limit

Hated every minute

But i come back for seconds like i miss it

I’ve been a loser, abuser

Passing my days but never a new year

They say talk is cheap

Guess I’m payin for it now spending all this time feelin odd to speak

Always getting off the script

And when i do I could swear i put you all to sleep

Like, i get up to this mic

But its fuckin hard to describe

Intentions i wished but never had-

Guess i honestly lied

Couldn’t say I honestly tried

That’s sad, but that’s fact

And I’m sure it’s the one that’s got dad mad

It’s regrets, then relapse

A gambler just accumulating his debts

I’ve contemplated suicide

Held the devil’s hand and looked into his eyes

Didn’t have the courage then and don’t have it now

Guess I’m still a coward, but at least I won’t let me down

So I guess I could say it without gettin my tongue tied

But I know it’s possible, so yea I got that pun right

But it’s ok and it’s alright

Life’s a climb and we all fall right?

Learnt from Nightbird that life hurts

But never ever to go down without a fight first

9 March 2024 / Jon Lau

Pizza Boy, pizza Boy.
Waitin low, ready dough, imagine me employed.
Pizza Boy, pick a point,
Cookin up a storm while I scheme a ploy.

Yeah I don’t know Kali
But between me and God I’d rather pick Gandhi.
And they’re surprised that this guy reads.
The way I give birth to these verbs they mistake me for a gynae.

Just bidin my time and
Soakin up pressure cos I’m building me a diamond.
Yeah I bake shit bread
Got shipwrecked but I found me an island.
A migrant but good luck taking me out the zone I’m in.
Arghh, takin over takin over I’m the meanest pirate.

Uninvited but why wait?
Uhhh, flip it over flip it over,
This plot is my bitch and I ain’t battin eyelids while I write it.

Jon Lau / 10 Nov 2023

You could try to write this word for word

but its never occurred

to you that the hurt referred

has got me disturbed

since nobody’s heard

I’m on the verge

every letter, a purge

and every verse the courage

to reverse the carnage

and if it’s a curse?

then fuck it

I’ll be the first

to spit upon it

cos i figured how to profit

from the monsters in my head and closet

Gone were the days

when i was just another face

one with the world

but now I’m in outer space

And in case you haven’t noticed

its the stars that i gaze

You thought this phrase was just another phase

but you’ll be amazed when I’m moonwalking

Now who’s talkin?

yea it’s not my screws that are loose and poppin

the only screws loose are the ones on my coffin

Appalling, that this dead man just keeps on walkin

Grave diggin now his hands are throbbin

cos damn right it’s a riot when i write it

but it’s a way to keep me reminded

every night to thank God that I’m alright and

never to stop tryin

cos trials could be stones to triumph Goliath

and that’s a point i gotto get across

to my demons who say its impossible

but i say fuck the odds cos with God, nothing is

What a shock, that I’m an optimist?

Jon Lau / 14 Aug 2023

Hello from the other side

I tried to call a couple times

But no one answered

So I poured my heart into a couple lines

Through blood, sweat and tears

still he couldn’t cut the rhymes.

Re animating words is when he comes alive.

He’s thriving when they said he can’t survive.

Used to be a time when they said he was weird.

He would shut his eyes and wishes he’d disappear.

But he knows he has to face the fear.

Even if he has to taste his tears.

Even if he hates the face in mirrors.

All of the wasted years, worried bout the thoughts of peers.

Buried under a blanket with lots of prayers.

Is this how he’s gonna live his life?

Living behind a desk working 9 to 5?

Making calls but they’re hanging up so he starts to write.

And it starts tonight.

Taking the leap, no more living on the edge.

Faith in action, so he leaves it on a page.

Hardest thing he’ll ever have to do.

Not really, no one expects him to fill anyone’s shoes.

What did a boy of 33 ever have to prove?

Or rather, what does he have to lose?

Stands to gain the world, 

If he’d only shoot for the moon. 

So he keeps his mind on the cosmos like its gospel.

Cos he knows with God, nothing is impossible.

Jon Lau/ 15 April 2023

Yeah said I’m monotone

When I’m on the phone

I’ll sell you to sleep

When I’m on a roll

Yea I’m on a roll

Cos i cut corners

Skip the verse and jump straight for the chorus.

You think me odd cos my pitch is even.

You take the absence of tone for lack of experience.

But as you listen on, you wonder whats wrong,

that you’d actually find this appealing.

Where’s he going? What’s he selling?

I honestly don’t know but it sure is compelling.

Cos this dialogue’s diabolic.

Like diabetic’s blood sugar it skyrockets.

So sayonara, goodbye profits.

I’d wave but my hands are in side pockets.

So while you sign contracts,

I keep mum cos I’m a silent accomplice.

I have no idea what the actual cost is.

Behind cell dockets there’s no sign on my office.

You could’ve hung up on me,

now there’s not even a chance to pause this.

Yeah said I’m monotone

When I’m on the phone

Sell you to sleep

When I’m on a roll

OK this one’s cross sell.

How it works, you preach it like it’s gospel.

Make em believe you can bring the cost down.

Said there’s no doubt.

But if there are shadows I’ll kick the doors down.

Ho ho santa’s come early this x mas.

I’ll promise you the world like I’m sellin you an atlas.

Trust me I’ve had plenty of practice.

Voices in my head tell me I’m accustomed to the madness.

That’s why I’m reckless while I’m at this.

Cruisin through life maybe that’s why i crashed it.

Went up in flames like the tip of a matchstick.

Guess that’s how this white lamb became a black sheep.

A dollar for everytime i fell, that’s why the stack’s thick.

Irony isn’t lost cos I’m payin for it, reading off a sad script.

Like a T-rex about to relapse in Jurassic(pshyc!)

Now everyone’s rushing for the exits(tight!)

Yeah said I’m monotone

When I’m on the phone

I’ll sell you to sleep

When I’m on a roll

Jon Lau/ 8 April 2023

Just thinking about reasons.

I thought that if i just

wrote some lines,

and you know, make em rhyme,

I could let some of my problems vaporise.

But that’s not how it works though.

Precipitation occurs,

and i guess it’s why the words flow.

Be like water, said Bruce Lee.

Brilliant words, now that’s truespeak.

Drop the anchor and remove this noose please.

The thought of death just gives me loose knees.

I mean, don’t you think it’s rash and foolish?

Dying without really knowing who i am, like who’s this?

Well I guess I’m facing the music.

Its amusing how I woke up this morning

but still running from my monsters, am I lucid?

Thought really hard about these words I wrote

But now I’m thinking it’s stupid.

See it’s confusing.

And all i wanna do is sing

But I’m staring at bars

that have no melody it’s depressing.

Me and God’s gonna sit and write my future.

He told me it is bright but my shadows tell me it’s futile.

And my sights diminishin.

But I’m keeping my eyes on the light with tunnel vision.

That’s optimism, but it goes both ways.

Glass half full when you know it really isn’t.

But I’m a winner, not a whiner.

I am a miracle, just cos it aint red, it’s white wine, duh.

And a reminder, I’m such a flight risk –

Over the moon that I put the buzz in lightyear.

So Lord I pray you give me a reason to rhyme yeah?

Lord give me a reason to rhyme.

And between the lines and verses,

maybe there I’ll find a purpose.

Yea a meaning in life, more than just satisfying my urges.

A little more perseverance.

The patience to be the product and not just seek to purchase.

Even when the Mondays are mundane,

that it gives me the strength I’m prayin

to beat my path like it’s my craft and not stray from my lane.

And hey I’m just like everyone else battling their demons.

It isn’t about the four walls

and the blue doors that make this prison.

It’s about breaking out of these thoughts, now that’s freedom.

So I’m rhyming yeah, but what are the reasons?

21 Feb 2023 Jon Lau

He’s almost anonymous, a Jon Doe
If he had a tone, it’d be ominous.
Keeps it low key,
like a wolf stalking his prey for protein.
And he knows this:
If he wants to catch the snakes
he’s got to burn down the forest.
Sniff out the origin and snuff out the provenance.
The only weapon he has
is the spade that he holds in his hands,
and he’s playin it close to his chest.
Every plot he’s dug
is a feet closer to the root of the ruckus.
Stepping up introduce some light into darkness.
It’s not a bottomless pit.
He knows he’s getting close to the bottom of it.
Never giving up, so he throws his back into it.
He’s a killer with a message for his foes, see.
Dug em their graves and their epitaphs scribbled on post its,
and his choice of words are most appropriate.
A reminder to the devil that if he fucks around there’ll be no grace,
that he’ll fight him tooth and nail, till the truth prevails,
enough of his lies and his stupid tales.
He’s grown himself a set of balls the size of Jupiter.
He is the definition of dick in dictionaries,
and he’s sticking it to the Man like a missionary.
Time to bury these cadavers,
the ones who once said he could never.
Yea he’s the villain in this story
but somehow still the opposite of the baddest.
Looking to get drunk on the Spirit,
but not the kind that fills bottles and bladders.
Yea he’s searching for a high but keepin his head low.
For now he just keeps watch,
a sentry upon this headstone.

25 Jan 2023 Jon Lau

They said he has PTSD.

That his phantoms are fantasy.

But the leg they can’t see

Is lost in the war he fought for his country.

He put his weight on a plate, and poof.

Now he doesn’t even have a plate for his food.

An amputee, living on a stolen bag of weed.

A combination that spells catastrophe.

Got a gait like a cyborg,

A scavenger of the sidewalks.

He gets the shirks and the eyeballs.

They said “dude’s a fucking time bomb.”

So like his Dad,

he’s in a dilemma.

Neither can take this shit,

so he’s given himself an enema.

Went looking for his guts

Have you seen it, Ma?

I know you’ve been prayin hard

Hoping that he would measure up.

He’s looking for some change

But his pocket’s empty,

Could he afford it?

His lack of cents metaphoric.

Done laps tryna wrap his head round the logic.

Answers to his questions are whatchamacallit.

He has the propensity to act on impulse.

Has the power of thoughts

But he’s so high that he’s lost in these clouds.

He knows that to get even,

he has to beat the odds.

So he takes a breath so deep

that it goes right into his balls.

And as broke as he is,

he realises there’s no profit in panic.

And that between stimulation and response,

there’s a pause.

And where his imagination is his law.

Let it run wild, either choose to be

Poseidon, or a prawn.

And he knows in chaos, there’s order and clarity.

That it’s perfectly normal being an anomaly.

In the fog of war, there’s a silver lining.

As long as he maintains vigil,

keeping toothpicks under eyelids.

15 Jan 2023 Jon Lau

WWJD:

He’s tired of the bad rhymes.

Needs to take the leap before his debt climbs.

He isn’t that blind.

He sees the grass is greener with grape vines.

What Would Jon Do?

Can’t walk on water could he turn it to wine?

Brought out the noose

But then the idiot went and forgot the stool.

Is he constipated?

Refusing to pass out now everyone’s graduated.

So he reaches up his asshole,

to see how far up his hands will go.

Tryna find the guts to let go

of these silly habits but he lacks the backbone.

A jelly fishing among the sharks on a bad loan.

And now he’s drowning in debt.

Dimes a dozen and he’s mind’s a puzzle.

Can’t understand what defines a person.

Human being and being human.

Not the simple act of transplant or transfusion.

He’s looking for change,

reaching into his pockets

Only to find his knowledge is a book with no page.

He’s trying to make cents

but he’s got the wrong currency.

A clueless foreigner in his own country.

7 Jan 2023 Jon Lau

Oh man.

Part three of this dialogue,

and you wondering when he’s gon tie the knot.

Said he writes the plot,

but how dare he skip his death in the epilogue.

Enough already with this old man.

It seems like ages ago,

when he said he’d show them.

“Ha, what a joke, mate!”

Said he found freedom,

but lost the keys to his own head!

He’s been in the system so long

now he’s part of the program.

Made peace with the matrix,

but there’s still a war in his soul, damn.

He wants to sing his heart out

but conscious to the fact that he’s tone deaf.

Hates the voices and hes told them,

“I’m just a regular joe, man”.

Leave me the fuck alone man!

He finds peace when he wanders,

and its no wonder he’s a nomad.

Never settling in the desert

and that’s his definition of progress.

A murder of crows circling,

but still chases the hope of a promise land.

16 Dec 22 Jon Lau